you're only as loud as the noises you make (scarlett_sappho) wrote in closet_monsters,
you're only as loud as the noises you make
scarlett_sappho
closet_monsters

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intro to community

Heya.
Basically I'm a 22 year old female, living in London. Up until now I've identified as bisexual but recently I've been slowly realising/coming to terms with the idea that I might actually be a lesbian. I'd say I'm 99% attracted to women and 1% unsure, but I've never had any significant relationships with women, though I have had a few flings or one-night-stands in the past. This wouldn't be a problem if things were different. I'm not the kind of person to hide in the closet...but nearly 2 years ago I married a man. Maybe I was too young to make that decision. I was 19 when I got engaged and my husband is significantly older than I am. I know I love my husband, but just what kind of love I have for him is something I struggle with coming to terms with every day.
I think maybe this is what happens when a young girl with little experience who doesn't know herself very well makes a decision without exploring all her options...I don't want to get a divorce at this point, but I don't know what the ultimate resolution will be.

I'm still confused and still searching for the real me. I'm unsure about many things but I am sure about one thing: I am attracted to women, and have been since I was a kid. What this means for me or my future I don't know.
Maybe I'll be able to accept that I am attracted to both men and women, but be comfortable with knowing I won't be with another woman for the rest of my life...who knows.

How I feel right now? I sometimes wish our relationship was a bit more open...
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